Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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