i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
