The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
