I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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