I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
