Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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