No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
