He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
