I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This baby is an asshole
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
