Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
