Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
