Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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