hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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