ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
