this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
