It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
