There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
