Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
