Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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