I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
