if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
