Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
