We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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