If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
BRING THE BAGELS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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