you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
