halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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