if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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