I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
