Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
