is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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