I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
