Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
