I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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