YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
