my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
