what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
