is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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