so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
