Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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