I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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