You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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