my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
