I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
