Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
