I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
