I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
