i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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