Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
