a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
