I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
