I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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