So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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