Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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