Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
