It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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