and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
