sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My liver just broke up with me...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
