I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize