my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have post one night stand depression
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
