I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
