my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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