so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
