I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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