90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
