By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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