i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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