Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
even my farts smell like vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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