I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
