Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
