She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Boobs are out for the taking
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
