come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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