I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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